How does popularity affect people

As teens became adults, they realized that social capital came from connections—with other people and communities at large. After adolescence, we would revert back to caring mostly about likability. No longer. Now, we care more about status at all ages, effectively condemning ourselves to endless adolescence. For some, the two types of popularity overlap. However, there is a dramatic gender divide. For boys, there is some overlap between likability and status; it is possible to be high-status and liked.

For girls, there is not. Building status is not about developing relationships but dominating others, which ultimately makes many popular but unlikeable. This problem starts early. Boys are more often encouraged to focus on performance. All of this gets ramped up in adolescence. If you want to hurt a boy, you make him feel weak and passive; with a girl, you make her feel socially inept and excluded.

There are problems for individuals who pursue status and problems for us as a society that has continued to invest in this type of popularity. Research findings, such as those published by University of Virginia professor Joe Allen, indicate that those who care the most about their social standing grow up to have difficulties with their interpersonal relationships years later. Other research suggests that those who wish the most for status are most likely to later report anxiety, depression and problems with substance use.

As a society, there already are signs that our desire for status has taken a toll. Compared with just a few decades ago, research suggests that our life goals now reflect wishes to own more possessions, acquire more power, and feel more visible and influential than others.

This is in stark contrast to our desire to foster community and cooperation just a couple of decades ago. Even our children are getting the message that the number of their social media followers is an accomplishment worth striving for.

Were you popular as a kid? Not really. How so? How has this shaped your life? Studies show that people who are likable are afforded privileges that become reinforcing and self-perpetuating. As children, those who are liked are invited to join others more often, and each of these interactions offers extra opportunities to learn skills that were denied to unlikable, excluded peers. Over time these skills lead to even greater likability, additional learning occasions, and so on, creating a cycle that leads likable people to not only enjoy more positive reputations but truly advanced skills and competencies.

The same is true for adults. Two equally qualified employees, for instance, will get further in their career if they differ in likability—not solely because of favoritism but because the more likable person will actually become the better employee. I was lucky. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Necessary Necessary. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website.

These cookies do not store any personal information. Non-necessary Non-necessary. Even when we're processing things in current day. Bear in mind that there are two types of popularity : social reputation status and social preference likability.

You can have one without the other, but you're better served by having both — and your level of each influences your life far beyond high school.

The idea of "peaking in high school" feels intuitive when we go to high school reunions and find that the years haven't been kind to some, but there's research that suggests it's a real phenomenon for those who had high status but low likability. For example, those that fit into the popular jock and "mean girl" archetypes of American culture tend to demonstrate aggression and displays of dominance on their peers, and when they leave the context of high school, they struggle to create meaningful, fulfilling relationships, which then leads to lowered self-worth.

High intelligence in adolescence does not, of course, guarantee low status, but the kids who outwardly express their fascination with academics and niche subjects tend to be labeled nerds, and usually aren't spotted at the lunch tables among high-status athletes. But, if these low-status teenagers happen to have some degree of interpersonal skills that allows them to build relationships, they shouldn't worry. In fact, Prinstein told us, these charming geeks have a good chance of achieving success as adults, because the same high intelligence that got them shunned as adolescents becomes rewarded in a collegiate and then professional setting, and their likability makes people want to help them.

If a teenager is lucky enough to achieve both high status and high likability, then they have a solid foundation for their adult life. Prinstein noted that likability is far more important than status when it comes to potential for success and happiness.